Merry Christmas, Darling

Karen Carpenter's classic song "Merry Christmas, Darling" echoes exactly how I feel right now.

If you are like me, one who is spending the holidays away from the ones they love most, I hope you enjoy Ms. Carpenter's song.

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You Don’t Have to Be Lonely and Dateless During the Holidays

If you want to break up with your current flame during the holidays but can't seem to get around to doing it, what's keeping you? If you are like a lot of women out there, the reason why you are stringing your relationship along even if things aren't working out for you anymore is that you don't want to be lonely, miserable and alone at a time when family and relationships matter.

That is so understandable, really. The holiday season after all is all about rituals and traditions, and none of these rituals and traditions include being alone. Sometimes, it is easier to put up with someone you are not really happy with rather than being entirely on your own.

However, as I mentioned in my previous posts on breaking up during the holidays, it's not really fair for you or your soon-to-be ex if you keep prolonging the inevitable just because it's the holidays. Just because you happened to end your relationship any time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve, it doesn't mean you have to be totally miserable and lonely for the rest of the season. In fact, you are opening yourself to a whole lot of opportunities when you call it quits with your current flame this time of the year.

The World Is Full of Single People

When you are newly single during the holidays, or any time of the year for that matter, you'd be surprised at just how many single people there are crawling out of the woodwork to cross your path. Many of them are people you've already met; you just never noticed them before because you were still in a relationship and are thus preoccupied.

As long as you show up at the holiday parties and gatherings you got invited to, you are likely to meet someone. If the host or hostess is game, he or she will try to play Cupid and try to match you up with someone else. Who knows? Maybe that innocent match-up may turn into a hookup, and that hookup may still be there with you for Valentine's Day, if not for longer.

Of course, holiday parties and gatherings are not the only opportunities you have for meeting other people when you are newly single during the holidays. You can try online dating websites or speed dating. Heck, if you are up to it, you can meet someone while shopping for your Christmas turkey at the supermarket. Just keep your eyes peeled and be open for such opportunities.

It Doesn't Have to Be a Lover

But then again, you don't have to force yourself to find a new lover just because you are newly single and it's the holidays. Hookups are fun, sure, but they can have consequences you may not have anticipated. Besides, they can make your holiday blues even bluer if the other party doesn't call you after you've had a good time together.

If you're not ready to be in a new relationship and short-term fun just isn't your thing, you can find love elsewhere. Surround yourself with friends and family, for one. Or you can volunteer your time to your church or your local charity and help out the less fortunate.

Being afraid to be lonely and dateless during the holidays is not a reason to string along a relationship that is not working anymore. There is always an opportunity to meet new people, especially during the holidays. Also, just because you are dateless means you can't have love this time of the year. Look around you; there is always love to be found and spread around.

What's keeping you from breaking up during the holidays?

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Holiday Dating – How to Break Up During the Holidays

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about whether it's okay or not to break up during the holidays. Basically, a lot of us would rather wait till after New Year's Day to break up with someone simply because we don't want to seem heartless or unkind. A lot of us also don't want to deal with the hassles of being newly single during the holidays. But then again, it is always better to be true to yourself rather than pretend you're not miserable just because it's the holidays.

Now here is an interesting article I found at Match.com on how to get the ugly deed done without being seen as the Grinch who stole Christmas. I totally agree with what the writer said:

No matter how wrong the relationship is, nobody wants to be a Scrooge. You can reduce the negative impact by channeling the spirit of the season: Do unto others.

Channeling the Spirit of the Season

If you're going to break up with someone during the holidays, you might as well be kind and do it in the spirit of the holidays. After all, even the insensitive types have feelings, too. They can be hurt with this development especially when they didn't see it coming.

Breaking up should also be done as gently as possible. As Ms. Lester said in her article, try to avoid turning the whole ordeal into some kind of blaming game. If your soon-to-be ex asks why, just say it's you who has the problem and leave it at that. You have better chances of parting amiably if you manage to avoid the blaming game.

Timing Is Everything

Ms. Lester said in her article that location is everything when it comes to breaking up during the holidays. I'd like to add that timing is everything, too. If you're really not happy about the relationship and you believe that it's best to break up, just do it as soon as possible. It would be kind of awkward if you're going to break your soon-to-be ex's heart right after you find out that he or she has already bought you a Christmas present or has already accepted invitations addressed to the two of you in your behalf.

Breaking up during the holidays doesn't have to be an ugly ordeal. If you do it gently and kindly, you and your soon-to-be ex can part as friends and not ruin each other's holidays.

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Holiday Dating – What to Do If Your Date Doesn't Want You to Meet the Family Yet

In the previous post, I talked about being in a new relationship during the holidays and how to survive that first meeting with your new squeeze's friends and family. Basically, I emphasized the value of being prepared for the meeting, creating a good first impression, and interacting with your date's people. I also said that even though it would be great for your date's folks to like you, you shouldn't worry about pleasing everyone at this point because it's just not always possible.

Of course, we are assuming here that your new flame will invite you to meet the folks in the first place. But what if he/she doesn't even bring up the idea with you? Should you freak out if you learn that your date has no intention of introducing you to the family during the holidays?


Your Date Just Isn't Ready Yet

The answer to that question is a definite "no." If your date isn't inclined to take you home to meet the family during the holidays, you should just let it slide instead of pushing the issue. If you push the issue, it will only result in a quarrel.

Your date's reluctance to take you home to meet the family is understandable if the two of you have been together for only a few weeks. This reluctance can only mean two things – either your date does not feel that deeply committed to your relationship yet or your date has issues with his/her family that he/she isn't ready to reveal to you at the moment.

Taking a girlfriend or boyfriend to meet the family is a huge step commitment-wise for a lot of people. You can't really expect your current flame to show that level of commitment when your relationship is still very new.

On the other hand, it could be that your date does want you to meet the folks back home. The reason why your date isn't doing so is he/she could be having some issues with his/her family that he/she is looking to resolve before you meet them.

Don't Push the Issue

Whatever your date's reason is for not taking you to meet the family during the holidays, you really should just back off if he/she isn't so inclined. Don't try to put undue pressure on your date; it will only create a strain in your relationship and may lead to a big argument or even a breakup later on.

Just let the issue slide. Instead, offer to spend some quality time together after the two of you have returned from visiting family for the holidays. Perhaps you can suggest a short romantic getaway with just the two of you.

Don't freak out if it seems that your current squeeze isn't inclined to take you to meet the family during the holidays. Your date will introduce you when he/she is ready, so just hang on tight and go with the flow. If it really bugs you, go ahead and ask why. Your date will tell you the truth if he/she really cares for you.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you find that your date isn't inclined to have you meet his/her folks?

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Holiday Dating – Surviving Your First Meeting with Your Date's Friends and Family

Meeting people and dating someone new can be a pain during the holidays. The fact that the holiday season focuses more on families and on relationships that have taken root over some time can create a sense of awkwardness if your current romance is just a few weeks old. There is the question of what gift you should give your significant other. And then there is the matter of going to the inevitable Christmas party that your new flame's family, friends and co-workers are expected to throw, to which you may or may not have to go.

All of us who are actively dating known that meeting our partner's family, friends and peers for the first time can put some pressure on our nerves. Among family and friends, this first meeting often takes a serious light during the holiday season simply because the atmosphere at such meetings tend to get very close – if not totally intimate – whenever the holidays come around. It can really make you feel like two things: 1) an outsider looking in; and 2) a fish in a bowl.

So, if your new romantic partner asks you to come to a Christmas party, you really shouldn't be too worried. You can survive it with flying colors, and here is how to do it.

Be Prepared

If you're heading for battle, you'd want to know what to expect so you'll come out of the skirmish alive. I'm not saying that this first meeting is like entering a battlefield, but being prepared beforehand can prevent you from, say, offending someone without really knowing that you did or embarrassing yourself without knowing why.

The first thing you need to know is who is going to be there. If you can, fish out some information from your significant other, details like what those people do for a living, what their likes and dislikes are, and other stuff like that. These tidbits will keep you from committing a faux pas but will also give you topics for small talk.

Create a Good First Impression

Part of being prepared for this first meeting is creating a good impression. You want your partner to be proud of you, and you can do that by making your partner's friends and family like you. The first step to achieving that, of course, is by making a good impression.

You'll need to pay extra attention to your grooming and outfit for this first meeting. Ask your date if there is a dress code to the event you're going to. Also, if you normally dress sexy and you're meeting your date's family, you may want to tone the sexiness down a bit. All mothers like to think that their babies are dating good girls and dressing a little on the conservative side is one way of winning your date's mother's approval.

Don't Be a Wallflower

To make your partner's friends and family like you, you have to go out of your way to interact with them. This isn't the time to be shy or aloof. Go ahead and circulate among the guests. Make small talk and try to get to know the people there a little bit better. Help out in the kitchen if there is a need for it.

One thing you shouldn't do is to pry information about your date that they aren't willing to volunteer. You'll find out about these things soon enough, if you stay in the relationship long enough. You can keep your eyes peeled, though. You'll be observing your date in their natural surroundings so you're sure to find out things about them just by observing them.

Don't Take Sides

Gatherings composed of family and friends may be intimate, but they can also be volatile. It is not entirely unheard of for family members or friends to break into an argument at some point during the gathering. Whatever happens, don't be pulled into taking sides unless it's about you. It's your date's business, not yours, so keep out of that business and resist being pulled in.

Remember Who You're Sleeping With

At the end of the party, what matters is the person whom you will be going home with. No matter how hard you try, you just can't please everybody. So if it turns out that someone at the party ends up not liking you, if your date isn't worried about it, then you shouldn't be worried either. Your date is the one you have to deal with regularly, after all, not your date's family.

Are you meeting with your date's family and friends for the first time? How are you dealing with the jitters?

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Breaking Up During the Holidays – Yes or No?

If you aren't happy in your relationship but the Yuletide holidays are just around the corner, would you wait for New Year's Day to come along before you break up? Or would you rather get the deed done and over with regardless of what season of the year it is?

This question never occurred to me before until I read this blog post on LuvemorLeavem. Basically, according to this post, November is a good month to break up because the next few weeks will offer other – and probably better – opportunities for dating. Also, it's really awkward to flirt with other people at parties when you have your soon-to-be ex tagging along with you.

So, breaking up before or during the holidays – should you or shouldn't you?

Choosing to Wait for New Year's Day

Some people would rather not break up with their significant others when the holiday season is about to go full swing. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Breaking up is depressing whether it is the right decision or not. Can you imagine going through the motions of celebrating the holidays when you have just walked out on your relationship?

2. Attending parties of mutual friends will be awkward. If you and your ex both show up at the party, there will be tension in the atmosphere and your host will have to treat you both like walking time bombs.

3. It's going to be a pain to explain to other people why your ex isn't with you when you go to this or that event. To say you just broke up may earn you a few gestures of sympathy you'd rather do without.

4. It's the season of goodwill. Do you really want to be seen as a heartless person who broke up with her significant other during the holidays?

But Then Again

If you're really miserable in the relationship and you feel that the relationship isn't going to work for the long haul, why wait for New Year's Day? Waiting for New Year's Day is just a matter of suspending the inevitable and prolonging the misery. Better use the holiday season as an excuse to part amiably instead.

It doesn't matter whether it's the holidays or not. What's more important is that you stay true to yourself and your feelings. You shouldn't worry about what other people will think or say. You'll be the focus of their attention for like ten seconds then forget all about you.

If you want to break up, then break up. It's going to hurt, sure, but the holidays are also about being with friends and family. Surround yourself with their love and support and you'll be okay.

What do you think of breaking up during the holidays?

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