Halloween Date Ideas: Are You Planning to Have a Romantic Halloween Evening?

A lot of people believe that Halloween is just a holiday for kids. I think not, though. Halloween is more than just a holiday for children to go trick-or-treating. It's just as good a night as any for adults to have fun. In fact, if you are going on a date on Halloween night, you can make it more romantic if you get into the spirit of the holiday and add some "ghoulish" spice to your evening.

So how are you going to spend Halloween this year? My fiancé and I unfortunately won't be together on Halloween because he's out of the country. But I have a few ideas in my head that I'd like for us to do when we're together on Halloween night.

An Afternoon with Pumpkins

My fiancé and I both love to eat, but we're not really fans of eating out a lot. So on Halloween, we could probably spend an afternoon shopping for pumpkins and then go home to carve Jack-o-Lanterns. What's left after we're done with the Jack-o-Lanterns, we could use for cooking a pumpkin-themed dinner.

The significant other loves pumpkin pie, and while I'm not really that fond of pumpkin, I'd certainly like to try out any of the 36 pumpkin recipes listed here. I told you I love food, and these recipes look yummy and easy to do.

Fun after Dinner

After feasting on pumpkin treats to our hearts' delight, we should have something else to do. If we're up to it, maybe we can dress up and go trick-or-treating. Who says trick-or-treating is just for kids? We can bother our friends for some candy, even though we're probably going to give our candy haul away afterwards.

I'd probably dare him to go to a cemetery with me on Halloween night. Weird as this may sound but cemeteries fascinate me sometimes. When I look at someone's tombstone, I sometimes wonder what kind of life they led before they went to their eternal rest. I don't think the creepies and the ghoulies would show up at the cemetery on Halloween night, though – so many living people around would scare them off.

But if we'd rather spend the day indoors, us being a pair of homebodies, we'd just spend the rest of the evening watching horror flicks. I love the original Ring movies and I have yet to convince the fiancé to watch them with me. Or we could watch something else, like The Sixth Sense or the first Exorcist movie.

In the end, it doesn't matter what exactly we will do on Halloween. The important thing is that we're together, we're doing something we both like, and we're having fun. That's what a date is all about, whether it's a Halloween date or not.

What are your favorite Halloween date ideas?

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Getting Over the Pain of a Breakup with the No Contact Rule

Part 3 of 5 in the No Contact Rule Series

In the previous part of this No Contact Rule series, I attempted to describe the advantages of following the no contact rule after you and your ex have just called it quits. To sum it up, severing all communication with your ex will help you heal the wounds you have sustained after the breakup. Eventually, the pain you feel will fade and your heart will mend – but only if you allow it to happen.

Of course, while the wounds are still fresh and you are still agonizing over your breakup, it's hard to ignore the pain at all. No matter how hard you try to bury the pain and to put on a brave face as you go on with your life, the pain is still there, nagging and biting at you, demanding your attention when you least want it to. I know it can be crippling, and as melodramatic as this may sound, I know the pain sometimes makes you want to stop, stand still and let the rest of the world move on without you.

So how do you make the pain go away and let you move on with your life? By facing the pain and recognizing its existence instead of burying it and hoping it would go away on its own.

Face the Pain Head On

We all have different ways of coping with pain, especially pain resulting from a broken heart. Some of us act as if nothing happened while some carry on like drama queens (or drama kings, for that matter). There is no right or wrong way to dealing with pain, but ignoring it altogether never works.

When we ignore the pain and bury it deep within us, we only allow it to rot and fester inside our mind and our heart. If we keep the pain buried inside us instead of releasing it, it only turns us into bitter people. Worse, the pain spoils us for whatever new relationship that comes our way.

The best example I could think of when it comes to burying pain is Mark Harmon's character from NCIS, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Of course, his case is different as what happened to him isn't exactly a breakup. But one of the driving points of NCIS is how Gibbs dealt with the pain of losing his wife and child. Because he wouldn't recognize how his pain is ruling his life, he let three marriages and one perfectly good relationship fail in the next 12 years.

All things considered, is the pain of a breakup really worth living the rest of your life in misery? That's what we essentially commit ourselves to when we bury the pain and refuse to acknowledge its existence. I think that the better thing to do is to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, "I'm hurting and I know it. I will let myself feel hurt for [this specific period of time]. But I am going to do something about it and when this deadline is up, I won't feel the pain anymore and I won't let it rule me either."

Letting the Pain Go

Once you have acknowledged to yourself that you are in pain, the next step would be to process it. As I said above, all of us have different ways of coping with pain. If your way of coping with pain is sitting on the couch all day and digging your way through a tub of ice cream, go for it if it gives you some comfort. If you feel like strolling at the park alone, call in sick at work and take the day off. Whatever it takes to get you over the funk, as long as it's not illegal and will not cause you irreparable harm, go ahead and do it.

It will help a lot if you surround yourself with people who love you and who are willing to lend you a sympathetic ear. After a breakup, it is typical for us to feel alone or isolated. Talking about your pain with someone who cares about you is a way of releasing the burden of the pain. It is also a way of telling yourself that even though you and your ex are through, you are not alone and there are other people whose love you can count on whatever happens.

One person whom you should never talk with at this point is, of course, your ex. We are still dealing with the no contact rule after all. You may want to process your pain by screaming at your ex and blaming them for this storm of emotions going through you. Actually, you can still do this even without breaking the no contact rule. An example would be writing notes or letters addressed to your ex or keeping a journal of everything you wanted to tell them but couldn't. Just don't make the mistake of actually sending these notes or journals to your ex – that would be breaking the no contact rule.

Meeting new people is another way of coping with the pain. When you make new friends and find new people to hang out with, you are giving yourself the chance to move on to possible new relationships. You are basically telling yourself that there is still a future for you when it comes to long-term romances. However, do not commit your heart yet when you believe that you aren't ready for a new relationship. Take your time and have fun.

Pain is inevitable in breakups. However, how we deal with the pain is what is important in how we eventually get over it and move on with our lives.

How do you cope with pain after a breakup?

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Breakup Advice: The Advantage of the No Contact Rule

Part 2 of 5 in the No Contact Rule Series

In Part 1 of the No Contact Rule series, I defined what the no contact rule is. I also discussed how it works and how you can make it work for you. Basically, the no contact rule means dropping off the face of the earth where your ex is concerned. You cut off all communication with them and you stop meeting with them, whether accidentally or on purpose. You need to commit to this rule when you break up with your ex, but you have to make them understand first why you are cutting them off in the first place.

In this second part of the series, I'll tell you why I believe the no contact rule works and what advantages you can get from following it right after you and your ex have broken up. When you and your ex have just called it quits, I'm sure that many of your friends have given you breakup advice to stop seeing your ex. It's actually very sound advice because it gives you time to heal and eventually gives you time to forget.

The No Contact Rule Gives You Time to Heal

From personal experience, I know that breakups, no matter how friendly or mutual they were, can still hurt very deeply. This is especially true if you have invested a lot of yourself and your time in the relationship. No matter how you look at it, your bond with your partner is a physical, emotional and spiritual thing. It's like an extra arm or leg, and if the two of you call it quits, it's almost like having that extra arm or leg amputated.

When you have a wound, what do you usually do? Do you scratch at it or do you leave it alone? We all know that scratching and poking at a fresh wound will make it heal more slowly, if not risk it getting infected. But if you leave your wound alone, it will scab over. The pain will soon fade away as the scabs fall off, leaving brand new skin behind it.

That is just how the no contact rule helps you heal. You have a broken heart that needs mending, and keeping in touch with your ex only gets you to poke at your wounds. But if you cut off all contact with your ex, you allow your heart to mend and eventually feel like new.

The No Contact Rule Gives You Time to Forget

As the wounds of your broken heart heal, your mind also begins to forget. If you have cut off all communication with your ex and threw away everything that reminds you of them and the time you spent together, the memories of your relationship will soon fade away. Sure, you will probably still think of your ex from time to time, but the details will not be as clear anymore and the pain will be dulled.

When I broke up with my ex, what I did was to delete his numbers from my phone and changed my phone number. I also deleted and blocked his email addresses and his instant messaging handles from my computer. Then, I threw away everything he gave me – his photographs, his love letters, his postcards. What I could not throw away, I gave away. I kept nothing that would remind me of him.

Because I don't have any visual reminders of my ex, my mind stopped remembering what he looked like. I stopped talking to him so I don't hear his voice in my head anymore. I do think of him from time to time, but I am too focused on other things (and have a new love besides) so I hardly have the time to dwell on what happened between us anymore.

Out of sight, out of mind. That is how the no contact rule helps you forget.

What did you do when you broke up with your ex? Why don't you share your story as a comment below?

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Breakup Advice: What Is the No Contact Rule?

Part 1 of 5 in the No Contact Rule Series

If you have just gone through a breakup or if you feel like your current flame is just stringing you along, the pain and the sense of rejection it brings can erode on your self-confidence.  Eventually, you will even begin to doubt your worth as a person.  After all, if things got so out of hand with your ex that you needed to end the relationship or if you current love is not treating you the way you should be treated, then it is natural to think that there may be something wrong with you that makes you unlovable to them.  Such thoughts will only hurt you more and prevent you from moving on, but you can help yourself by applying the no contact rule.

What is the no contact rule?  The no contact rule means exactly what its name implies – that you break off all communications with your ex or your current flame indefinitely.  It also means resisting all temptation to get in touch with them whenever the urge strikes you.  The no contact rule certainly sounds difficult, especially when you are not really that willing to let go, but it is the best thing that will help you move on from a bad breakup or a relationship that is going nowhere.


How the No Contact Rule Works

Do you know the old saying "Out of sight, out of mind"?  That is how the no contact rule works.  When you have absolutely no interaction with your ex, you eventually learn to forget them.  You get to focus on other things and become so busy that you won't have the time or the inclination to think and remember the past.

The key here is to allow yourself to forget and to make sure that there is absolutely no contact between you and your ex.  If you keep thinking about your ex and if you keep giving yourself the opportunity to get in touch with them no matter how "accidental" it is, the no contact rule will not work.  It is going to be like an old wound that will not heal – you allow it to close and knit itself together for a time, and then tear it open again.  You are only going to hurt yourself every time you do that.

Making the No Contact Rule Work for You

You've already got the part where you must cut off all ties to your ex.  In no way must you get in touch with your ex again as much as you can.  Lose their phone number, email address and instant messaging handles, and don't try to recover them after you do.  Try not to show up at places where your ex will likely be, even if it is your favorite hangout or a party hosted by a mutual friend.  Your friend should be able to understand your situation.

But before you cut off all ties to your ex, you need to talk to your ex one last time – that is, if the two of you still talk on a regular basis.  You have to inform your ex of your intentions to stop contacting them as well as your reasons for doing so.  If your ex has any shred of respect for you left, they will realize your need to heal and to move on with your life.  You should also take this opportunity to ask them to do you a favor and not get in touch with you, too.  The reason why you must do this is that if you just suddenly fall off the face of the earth, your ex will think that you are just being petty or playing hard to get.

If the breakup is really hard for you, you can try moving to a new apartment, a new job or a new city if you can.  If not, then the best you can do is to rid your immediate surroundings of anything that can remind you of your ex.  The no contact rule is not something that is easy to do but it is so worth it.  In the long run, you will thank yourself for giving yourself this opportunity to heal and recover from the breakup.

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