Breakup Advice: The Advantage of the No Contact Rule

Part 2 of 5 in the No Contact Rule Series

In Part 1 of the No Contact Rule series, I defined what the no contact rule is. I also discussed how it works and how you can make it work for you. Basically, the no contact rule means dropping off the face of the earth where your ex is concerned. You cut off all communication with them and you stop meeting with them, whether accidentally or on purpose. You need to commit to this rule when you break up with your ex, but you have to make them understand first why you are cutting them off in the first place.

In this second part of the series, I'll tell you why I believe the no contact rule works and what advantages you can get from following it right after you and your ex have broken up. When you and your ex have just called it quits, I'm sure that many of your friends have given you breakup advice to stop seeing your ex. It's actually very sound advice because it gives you time to heal and eventually gives you time to forget.

The No Contact Rule Gives You Time to Heal

From personal experience, I know that breakups, no matter how friendly or mutual they were, can still hurt very deeply. This is especially true if you have invested a lot of yourself and your time in the relationship. No matter how you look at it, your bond with your partner is a physical, emotional and spiritual thing. It's like an extra arm or leg, and if the two of you call it quits, it's almost like having that extra arm or leg amputated.

When you have a wound, what do you usually do? Do you scratch at it or do you leave it alone? We all know that scratching and poking at a fresh wound will make it heal more slowly, if not risk it getting infected. But if you leave your wound alone, it will scab over. The pain will soon fade away as the scabs fall off, leaving brand new skin behind it.

That is just how the no contact rule helps you heal. You have a broken heart that needs mending, and keeping in touch with your ex only gets you to poke at your wounds. But if you cut off all contact with your ex, you allow your heart to mend and eventually feel like new.

The No Contact Rule Gives You Time to Forget

As the wounds of your broken heart heal, your mind also begins to forget. If you have cut off all communication with your ex and threw away everything that reminds you of them and the time you spent together, the memories of your relationship will soon fade away. Sure, you will probably still think of your ex from time to time, but the details will not be as clear anymore and the pain will be dulled.

When I broke up with my ex, what I did was to delete his numbers from my phone and changed my phone number. I also deleted and blocked his email addresses and his instant messaging handles from my computer. Then, I threw away everything he gave me – his photographs, his love letters, his postcards. What I could not throw away, I gave away. I kept nothing that would remind me of him.

Because I don't have any visual reminders of my ex, my mind stopped remembering what he looked like. I stopped talking to him so I don't hear his voice in my head anymore. I do think of him from time to time, but I am too focused on other things (and have a new love besides) so I hardly have the time to dwell on what happened between us anymore.

Out of sight, out of mind. That is how the no contact rule helps you forget.

What did you do when you broke up with your ex? Why don't you share your story as a comment below?

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