Breakup Advice: What Is the No Contact Rule?

Part 1 of 5 in the No Contact Rule Series

If you have just gone through a breakup or if you feel like your current flame is just stringing you along, the pain and the sense of rejection it brings can erode on your self-confidence.  Eventually, you will even begin to doubt your worth as a person.  After all, if things got so out of hand with your ex that you needed to end the relationship or if you current love is not treating you the way you should be treated, then it is natural to think that there may be something wrong with you that makes you unlovable to them.  Such thoughts will only hurt you more and prevent you from moving on, but you can help yourself by applying the no contact rule.

What is the no contact rule?  The no contact rule means exactly what its name implies – that you break off all communications with your ex or your current flame indefinitely.  It also means resisting all temptation to get in touch with them whenever the urge strikes you.  The no contact rule certainly sounds difficult, especially when you are not really that willing to let go, but it is the best thing that will help you move on from a bad breakup or a relationship that is going nowhere.


How the No Contact Rule Works

Do you know the old saying "Out of sight, out of mind"?  That is how the no contact rule works.  When you have absolutely no interaction with your ex, you eventually learn to forget them.  You get to focus on other things and become so busy that you won't have the time or the inclination to think and remember the past.

The key here is to allow yourself to forget and to make sure that there is absolutely no contact between you and your ex.  If you keep thinking about your ex and if you keep giving yourself the opportunity to get in touch with them no matter how "accidental" it is, the no contact rule will not work.  It is going to be like an old wound that will not heal – you allow it to close and knit itself together for a time, and then tear it open again.  You are only going to hurt yourself every time you do that.

Making the No Contact Rule Work for You

You've already got the part where you must cut off all ties to your ex.  In no way must you get in touch with your ex again as much as you can.  Lose their phone number, email address and instant messaging handles, and don't try to recover them after you do.  Try not to show up at places where your ex will likely be, even if it is your favorite hangout or a party hosted by a mutual friend.  Your friend should be able to understand your situation.

But before you cut off all ties to your ex, you need to talk to your ex one last time – that is, if the two of you still talk on a regular basis.  You have to inform your ex of your intentions to stop contacting them as well as your reasons for doing so.  If your ex has any shred of respect for you left, they will realize your need to heal and to move on with your life.  You should also take this opportunity to ask them to do you a favor and not get in touch with you, too.  The reason why you must do this is that if you just suddenly fall off the face of the earth, your ex will think that you are just being petty or playing hard to get.

If the breakup is really hard for you, you can try moving to a new apartment, a new job or a new city if you can.  If not, then the best you can do is to rid your immediate surroundings of anything that can remind you of your ex.  The no contact rule is not something that is easy to do but it is so worth it.  In the long run, you will thank yourself for giving yourself this opportunity to heal and recover from the breakup.

(Image: heman_gdl from stock.xchng.)