Can't Find a Date? Are the Nice Guys Really that Hard to Find?

Are nice guys really that hard to find?

When I was in college, I was one of those ugly ducklings who couldn't find a date. Not that I was actively seeking one at the time, but I often heard my girlfriends complain that it's because guys who are both nice and available are often difficult to find.

In my girlfriends' thinking, the nice guys are either:

1. the arm candy of some other girl; or
2. gay or metrosexual and likely to be one of your male "girlfriends."

It's a complaint that hasn't really changed much over the years. Even now that we're all way past our ugly duckling stage, enjoying some success in our chosen careers, and have been in a relationship or two, I still hear that complaint from time to time.

But I know for a fact that it's not really true. See, if you can't find a date who is a nice and decent guy, it's more of two things. One is that you aren't looking hard enough. The other is that you aren't looking at all.

The world is full of decent men. More often than not, we just don't see them because we aren't really looking hard enough. Instead, we are too busy searching for something that isn't there. Maybe it's because we have a ridiculous list that makes us reach for the impossible and blinds us to what is right in front of us.

Prince Charming, after all, is just a character from a fairy tale. For all you know, your search for this imaginary prince is keeping you from noticing Mr. Real Guy who isn't as charming but is good enough for you to spend the next 30 or so years with.

Or maybe the reason why you can't find a date who is a decent enough guy is that you aren't really trying to find a date at all. Instead, what you are trying to do is to find someone who can augment and complete you as a person. You are too preoccupied with projecting your own needs onto the guys that you meet.

You can't make up for your own weaknesses and failings as a person by searching for someone who can fill in these gaps in your personhood for you. These potential partners can only be themselves as you can only be yourself. No one else can complete you but yourself. Instead of finding your "better half," you should probably seek to address your own needs and be as complete a person as you want to be on your own.

Great guys aren't difficult to find at all. It's just a matter of looking around you with your eyes wide open and your gaze clear as crystal.

What do you think?

(Image: Damien van Holten from Stockvault.net)