Can't Find a Date? Find Yourself First

Is the task of finding a date too difficult for you sometimes? If you can't find a date and you find yourself sitting home alone on a Friday night, what do you usually think is the cause of your being dateless and lonesome when you could be out there having fun?

Do you think your inability to find a date is due to the fact that the guys (or gals) you meet are jerks? Or do you believe that a good man (or woman) is too hard to find these days?

Did it ever cross your mind that the reason why you are finding it too difficult to find a date is yourself?

I was browsing the Internet a few days ago when I came across this excerpt of the book Get Over Yourself! by Patti Novak, a leading dating and relationship coach and dubbed as "America's Matchmaker." Ms. Novak is also the star of the reality series Confessions of a Matchmaker.

As I was reading through the excerpt, one sentence caught my attention above others:

[T]he more they know who they really are, instead of who they just think they are – the better chance they'll have in their search for love.

With that quote in mind, what do you think is really keeping you from finding a decent person to go out on a date with? If we just open our eyes and look around us, we'd actually find that the world is full of decent people, good enough to take home and introduce to Mom and Dad. It would be hard, if not impossible, to find Mr. or Ms. Perfect out there – because, really, we all know that perfect people do not exist except in our imaginations. But you'll definitely find someone who is Just Right, someone you can accept and with whom you can compromise and someone who will accept you and will compromise with you to keep the relationship alive.

However, that will happen only if we open our eyes to what's keeping us from finding a date first. As Ms. Novak said in the excerpt:

If you're having trouble finding love, chances are dating is not your main problem. Chances are your trouble with dating is a symptom of other problems – larger, deeper emotional issues that are at the core of who you are.

We are, after all, the sum of our experiences; our past experiences shape us and often dictate how we cope with our present and future circumstances. Maybe the reason why you can't find a date is you have deep-seated issues that developed from something that happened to you in the past.

Maybe you have low self-esteem because someone you loved rejected you and you can't find a date because you are afraid of being rejected again.

Maybe you don't trust other people easily because someone dear to you betrayed you and hurt you terribly and you don't want to be hurt again.

Maybe you feel awkward about meeting other people socially because you really don't know how to act around them and you're scared of being embarrassed.

If you are finding it difficult to find a date, maybe instead of putting the blame on external factors, you should take a hard look at yourself. If you start peeling away those layers that hide your true self and deal with whatever deep-seated issues that prevent you from finding a date, much less a soulmate, maybe the dating scene won't look so bad to you anymore.

What is keeping you from finding a date? Is it really because the pickings are slim or is it just you?

(Image: Patti Novak's official website.)